Last week I had the opportunity to see Bethel in concert. Bethel is a church in California that has some amazing musicians who have written and recorded some amazing worship songs. Many of which we sing in our churches today. So a few of these talented musicians were in Milwaukee last week and me, along with about 1500 other Jesus lovers, came together to sing our hearts out in praise!
For those of you who know me well, you know that I was definitely in my sweet spot. I LOVE singing!
At one point in the concert, one of the singers started speaking out over the crowd, sharing her heart, and telling us that now was the time to "let go of seasons". As I stood there, arms held high, I began to think of all of the seasons that I have held onto. She continued... "seasons of pain, seasons of loss, seasons of doubt...let go of these seasons tonight"!
Tears came quickly as I realized that I had walked into this concert with the weight of SO many seasons on my shoulders. In an instant they flashed before my eyes. I saw my sweet friend Angela that died in first grade from spinal meningitis. Laura, a sweet sister in Christ who came alongside me while I had chemo years ago and whom I've since lost touch with. I saw the faces of other precious friends that were "for a season".
We use that saying "friends for a season"....but what if the friendship is gone and yet you find yourself holding onto the season. For whatever reason, hurt, regret, doubt...then what?
Seasons of loss: I saw myself going through the painful season of losing our first baby, Grace. A season that brought me to the end of myself. A pain so deep, so great, so unbearable at the time...and yet here I was...years later...able to see the season and give thanks once again that I am on the other side of it.
I saw my seasons of sickness: pre-transplant, the oxygen, post-transplant, countless broncs, countless prayers! Seasons of sickness that brought on seasons of great doubt and fear along with seasons of great joy and victory! I saw them all.
And then there is the season that I have found myself in more recently: a season of silence.
Have you ever felt like you have been punched in the gut and you are left speechless...almost like you can't talk even if you wanted to?. That is how I have felt for awhile now. Many have asked over the past year, "how is your writing coming along?, have you been speaking?" and my response has been "I feel like I am in a season of silence. I have no words". I have felt a somberness in my heart for various reasons and it has silenced me so to speak.
SO here I stood and heard repeated again and again "Let go of these seasons". Let go of the pain, the hurt, the loss, the fear and doubt. Let go of the what-if's, the why-not's and the what should have been's. LET GO! Let go of these seasons that were meant to be just that "a season". LET THEM GO! They don't define you. I am not "Janet the sick girl, the rotten friend, the bad wife, or horrible mom" because I may have went through a season. I can't let a season leave me with a permanent label.
As the song finished, I knew I had just experienced my own personal touch from God. I felt different, lighter. The burden of carrying around this added weight that was never mine to carry was being lifted, as was the silence! God was reminding me of who I was and of His great promises...promises of deliverance and restoration. That I am "Janet, healed and whole, Janet a precious child of His, Janet a good friend, wife and mom"....because of HIM!!
I am not sure where this finds you today or what season you might be holding onto. I would also be foolish not to recognize that God can and does AMAZING things in our lives as we walk through these difficult seasons. I am not the same person I was just a year ago because of this season of sllence. God has used it to teach me so much! So please know that I am not saying seasons are a bad thing....the bible says that "to everything there is a season" They are life... inevitable. But if you, like me, are holding onto seasons, that God is asking you to let go of, please know that you are not alone. I am daily walking with my hands open wide asking him to continue to help me and will pray for you too!
Thanks for letting me share my God story with you! I had posted a picture of the concert on facebook and felt led to tell you the whole story behind it! God Bless!